1983-05-27-001 |
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&%p The 1 •ptv V* & I BUMMER Vol. XXVI Issue 28 California Baptist College Almost There ™™WMi.y.l ^♦©^ ?' t CBC Scene of Film Twentieth Century Wolf, a massive film conglomerate has announced that CBC will be the location of the shooting of its new epic "Dr. Chicago." The film, based on the story of a caring doctor who is torn between the love of his wife and his Porsche 944, will be filmed mostly in the Annie Gabriel library. "We needed large, loud, unruly mob scenes and CBC's library was obviously the perfect spot." noted director Francis Ford Chevrolet. "The closing scene, a thrilling chase involving the estranged 944 and Chicago's wife on a unicycle with a flat tire, will be filmed in the Catacombs. West Point West Always dedicated, Staples calls home to check on the school. Staples Wings It CBC President James Staples attended Spring Break festivities in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida disguised as a 20 year old co-ed from Clemson, according to exclusive Banner sources. Staples apparently enjoyed the week of sun and fun after telling his wife he was going to the Holy Land. "It's a matter of opinion," he later explained. In Florida, Staples reportedly fell into bad company im mediately, prowling the streets into the early morning hours with a loud group of revelers. He also is reported to have entered a wet T-shirt contest with poor results. He was, however, the first place winner of a diving contest jumping 18 stories off a Holiday Inn into a Dixie cup of water. "I have a very hard head" bragged Staples later. True to CBC to the end, Staples sat up a Cal Baptist booth on the main strip to garner mature Christian adults or "anybody else who might sign up." "It was good for the laugh," one drunken Harvard Law student later exclaimed, "Leave it to Jimmy-Boy; to top everybody else." At last report Staples was seen drifting out to sea on a dugout canoe strumming a ukulele. His current whereabouts are presently unknown but apparently a Banner across his back read "Hawaii or Bust." CBC students will soon be rising at 5:30 a.m. to the sound of bugles. Col. Bob "Blood and Guts" Bryson has revealed that next year CBC will, be a jnilijary sctiddl. " "The West Point that's really west," brags Bryson, "the Air Force Academy in Colorado, and now CBC in California." According to plans students will line-up in formation on the grounds between Smith and Simmons Halls at 0600 hours, sharp. They will then jog, led by Bryson and Dr. Chance in the right lane of the 91 Freeway to March Air Force Base where they will be drilled in guerrilla combat and foreign missions. They will then fly C-13JTS b^aclc to GBC where they wuT parachute into the Garrett Dining Hall. Students must then kill a cow in hand to hoof combat which they will eat for lunch. Students will then attend Mandatory Chapel for ten grueling hours of Bible and helicopter maintenance. Taps will blow at two a.m. and students may sleep for thirty minutes. World Shocked Hot Water in Simmons Solved The lack of hot water in the dorms. After all, these In an effort to ease the worries that some students have about being accepted at CBC, the Admissions Department has issued an official acceptance to the population of the world. "In the past we've worried about little nit-picky requirements like the ability to read and write," explains spokesman John Spotter, "From now on important aspects such as the number of students enrolled will have their rightful place." The acceptance letter, which will be posted throughout pro minent places in Southern California such as restrooms at Disneyland and Pussycat theatres, congratulates the world for their outstanding achievement. A taped version for those who can't read is expected next month. The world, of course, was suitably impressed. Notable were three Afghan rebels, six horsemen from Upper Mongolia, and an ice cream man from Van Nuys. Lech Walesa, unfortunately, is apparently unaware of his acceptance. "The only real problem we had was accepting Leonid Breshnev," Spotter noted, "but to our great advantage he died." Simmons Hall has finally been permanently solved. There will no longer be any showers „ whatsoever. A ranking administrator noted in an interview Tuesday, "We find it no longer cost- effective to offer showers in people are only students." The two year problem has caused considerable grief amongst female students. However, it now appears they'll never have to wory about cold showers again. See Water Pg. 2 Trustees Unaware Beautiful CBC Situated on 70 acres of wasteland. Located where the smog meets the freeway. A recent survey held by Run and Trot Polls has found nine out of ten CBC trustees are unaware of what the letters CBC mean. Eight out of ten thought that California Baptist College was a theme amusement park in Arlington, Texas. "Isn't CBC a discount drug store?" queried I. M. Righteous, long time trustee. "CBC is a sexually transmitted disease which is a sign of the wrath of God towards our promiscuous generation," cried Much O. Denaro, trustee and donor. "I think CBC is a communist plot perpetrated by the Chinese," noted trustee Adolf Goering, "it stands for Chinese Beget Communists, a billion to be exact." "CBC, isn't that a Disc Jockey School in L.A.?" concluded one. The question concerning California Baptist College brought only quizzical looks from most, however, one trustee was reported to have vomited. ' .
Object Description
Title | The Bummer - May 27, 1983 |
Subject | California Baptist University -- Students -- Periodicals. College student newspapers and periodicals -- California. |
Description | The Banner is the student newspaper of California Baptist University. It has been in continuous publication since 1952. |
Creator | California Baptist University |
Date | May 27 1983 |
Type | Text |
Language | en |
Rights | Copyright California Baptist University. All Rights Reserved. |
Description
Title | 1983-05-27-001 |
Transcript | &%p The 1 •ptv V* & I BUMMER Vol. XXVI Issue 28 California Baptist College Almost There ™™WMi.y.l ^♦©^ ?' t CBC Scene of Film Twentieth Century Wolf, a massive film conglomerate has announced that CBC will be the location of the shooting of its new epic "Dr. Chicago." The film, based on the story of a caring doctor who is torn between the love of his wife and his Porsche 944, will be filmed mostly in the Annie Gabriel library. "We needed large, loud, unruly mob scenes and CBC's library was obviously the perfect spot." noted director Francis Ford Chevrolet. "The closing scene, a thrilling chase involving the estranged 944 and Chicago's wife on a unicycle with a flat tire, will be filmed in the Catacombs. West Point West Always dedicated, Staples calls home to check on the school. Staples Wings It CBC President James Staples attended Spring Break festivities in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida disguised as a 20 year old co-ed from Clemson, according to exclusive Banner sources. Staples apparently enjoyed the week of sun and fun after telling his wife he was going to the Holy Land. "It's a matter of opinion" he later explained. In Florida, Staples reportedly fell into bad company im mediately, prowling the streets into the early morning hours with a loud group of revelers. He also is reported to have entered a wet T-shirt contest with poor results. He was, however, the first place winner of a diving contest jumping 18 stories off a Holiday Inn into a Dixie cup of water. "I have a very hard head" bragged Staples later. True to CBC to the end, Staples sat up a Cal Baptist booth on the main strip to garner mature Christian adults or "anybody else who might sign up." "It was good for the laugh" one drunken Harvard Law student later exclaimed, "Leave it to Jimmy-Boy; to top everybody else." At last report Staples was seen drifting out to sea on a dugout canoe strumming a ukulele. His current whereabouts are presently unknown but apparently a Banner across his back read "Hawaii or Bust." CBC students will soon be rising at 5:30 a.m. to the sound of bugles. Col. Bob "Blood and Guts" Bryson has revealed that next year CBC will, be a jnilijary sctiddl. " "The West Point that's really west" brags Bryson, "the Air Force Academy in Colorado, and now CBC in California." According to plans students will line-up in formation on the grounds between Smith and Simmons Halls at 0600 hours, sharp. They will then jog, led by Bryson and Dr. Chance in the right lane of the 91 Freeway to March Air Force Base where they will be drilled in guerrilla combat and foreign missions. They will then fly C-13JTS b^aclc to GBC where they wuT parachute into the Garrett Dining Hall. Students must then kill a cow in hand to hoof combat which they will eat for lunch. Students will then attend Mandatory Chapel for ten grueling hours of Bible and helicopter maintenance. Taps will blow at two a.m. and students may sleep for thirty minutes. World Shocked Hot Water in Simmons Solved The lack of hot water in the dorms. After all, these In an effort to ease the worries that some students have about being accepted at CBC, the Admissions Department has issued an official acceptance to the population of the world. "In the past we've worried about little nit-picky requirements like the ability to read and write" explains spokesman John Spotter, "From now on important aspects such as the number of students enrolled will have their rightful place." The acceptance letter, which will be posted throughout pro minent places in Southern California such as restrooms at Disneyland and Pussycat theatres, congratulates the world for their outstanding achievement. A taped version for those who can't read is expected next month. The world, of course, was suitably impressed. Notable were three Afghan rebels, six horsemen from Upper Mongolia, and an ice cream man from Van Nuys. Lech Walesa, unfortunately, is apparently unaware of his acceptance. "The only real problem we had was accepting Leonid Breshnev" Spotter noted, "but to our great advantage he died." Simmons Hall has finally been permanently solved. There will no longer be any showers „ whatsoever. A ranking administrator noted in an interview Tuesday, "We find it no longer cost- effective to offer showers in people are only students." The two year problem has caused considerable grief amongst female students. However, it now appears they'll never have to wory about cold showers again. See Water Pg. 2 Trustees Unaware Beautiful CBC Situated on 70 acres of wasteland. Located where the smog meets the freeway. A recent survey held by Run and Trot Polls has found nine out of ten CBC trustees are unaware of what the letters CBC mean. Eight out of ten thought that California Baptist College was a theme amusement park in Arlington, Texas. "Isn't CBC a discount drug store?" queried I. M. Righteous, long time trustee. "CBC is a sexually transmitted disease which is a sign of the wrath of God towards our promiscuous generation" cried Much O. Denaro, trustee and donor. "I think CBC is a communist plot perpetrated by the Chinese" noted trustee Adolf Goering, "it stands for Chinese Beget Communists, a billion to be exact." "CBC, isn't that a Disc Jockey School in L.A.?" concluded one. The question concerning California Baptist College brought only quizzical looks from most, however, one trustee was reported to have vomited. ' . |